The Perfect Family?

I often get asked my people if I know the sex of my babies and they are usually surprised that I don't. The comment I have gotten most often that has also been most surprising is that hopefully I'll have a boy and a girl and then I'll be done. Wouldn't it just be perfect to have a boy and a girl, and then I wouldn't have to have any more kids? I don't really get it. First it assumes that a boy and girl is the perfect scenario. While it would be great, it would also be really fun to have two boys or two girls. The second assumption is that two is the perfect number of kids. It seems to be for a lot of people, but I have never planned on only having two kids. Joel comes from a family of four kids and I come from a family of three. I've loved having more than one sibling. Of course, each family has to make their own decisions and sometimes there are surprises. Who knows, maybe we will stop after two but I'm not ready to decide that yet. I guess I've just been surprised how often I've heard that I'll be done if I have a boy and a girl.

My Grandma

Me and my Grandma at my family shower in April

I have always been close to my Grandma. Being the first granddaughter after 6 grandsons we seem to have a special bond. She is 93 and my last living grandparent. Thankfully she has enjoyed good health, lived on her own and even golfed regularly. I don't see her a lot as she lives in Ottawa but I've always enjoyed our phone conversations. She is pretty excited about the arrival of our babies.

A few weeks ago my Grandma came to Mississauga for a visit. My mom and I went out for lunch with her and we brought her to our place to show her the nursery. Two days later while staying at my parents, she had a stroke. She was bleeding into her brain and for a day or so we didn't know if she would make it. Thankfully she pulled through and is now doing quite well and recovering in the hospital.

I couldn't imagine my Grandma not meeting my babies. I am incredibly thankful that it looks like that will happen. She is actually staying at the hospital where we will give birth and will likely still be there when the time comes. I know she would have made the trip from Ottawa to come meet them, but now she'll just have to go down one floor to see us which she is excited about. Obviously I wish for her she could be home, but it also nice having her closeby. When Joel and I go for weekly tests at the hospital we now go see her before and after and give her the updates. She keeps asking what hospital I'll be at and is always happily surprised when I tell her it's the same one she's at. I can't wait for her to meet them!

We've waited this long

As I get closer to the birth of my babies I am more and more anxious to find out if we are having boys, girls or both. I'm glad we've waited. I've always wanted to have that moment at birth and with 3 possible combinations I think it'll be even more exciting. We have some hand-me-down preemie clothes from friends who recently had boy/girl twins. It's fun going through it and wondering what we'll be able to use... not that you can't dress a boy in pink! Joel and I wanted to buy them their outfits to come home from the hospital with, so we bought 2 girl and 2 boy outfits just in case. They have enough white, green and yellow clothes I thought it'd be nice to at least have something more specific for their big day.

I'm guessing life with two boys would be pretty different than two girls and one of each would be an interesting mix. Whatever they are, I know it was decided a long time ago and I'll be thrilled the moment I find out. I'm excited!

Melt Downs

I had one today. Who knew that my attempt to clean car seats would lead to me sitting in tears. As I near the end of my pregnancy, life is getting a little harder. Overall I still feel great, but I'm not small. I'm at least the size I would be if I was full-term with one baby, probably bigger. Carrying two little ones around with me all day that are constantly growing means what I can do physically is constantly changing. What I could do last week is not what I can do this week.

But I don't like it. I don't like that when I spill something on the floor I can barely lean over to wipe it up. I don't like that I can no longer vacuum (one of my favourite chores!). I don't like that doing a load of laundry takes most of my energy and will soon be impossible. I don't like that I have a dirty shoe mat in my front hall closet that I can't scrub or a floor that needs mopping. And I don't like that not being able to do what seem like such simple things, means that someone else has to.

Joel is working so hard. He works hard all day, often comes home and makes me dinner, cleans up and then does more work around the house without complaining. He is so good about it, but there's only so much one person can do. He knows my main job is to grow my babies and more than anyone he is always encouraging me to rest. But he needs to rest too. He's about to become a dad of two and we need our time together.

As I'm learning how to live with a constantly changing body, there are two things I'm also learning that I'm not good at... letting go and asking for help. Our house isn't going to be in perfect condition when our babies arrive, and it certainly won't be after. If some things don't get done, we will survive and probably no one is judging me on whether or not my baseboards are clean. But I still want them clean! Asking for help is also hard for me, but something I know I'm going to have to learn if I want to survive the first few months with two babies. I don't feel like other people should have to come and do my cleaning or laundry or whatever else needs to be done and even if someone offers, I struggle with guilt. I don't know why.

I'm curious to look back in a few months and see if I've gotten better at these things, probably out of necessity. But in the mean time, I'll do what I can, rest as much as possible and take a deep breath!

One of the best moments of my life

In getting back to blogging, I don’t really know where to start. Whether or not anyone reads this, it’s a chance for me to get out some thoughts I can look back on. Since becoming a mom is a huge part of my life, I might as well begin where it began, or at least when I found out about it...

Monday October 12th is a day I will never forget, not because it was Thanksgiving, but because it was the day I saw a little (+) that changed my life forever. Getting pregnant didn’t happen right away for us. I had some disappointments along the way, so this month I wasn’t expecting any different. In fact, my body felt exactly like it did every other month. The night before I was in tears, knowing the letdown I was about to face. I decided to test just so I could get the disappointment over with and move on. Joel had to go into work for a few hours on Thanksgiving morning so I was alone when I tested. I took the test, walked away for the prescribed 5 minutes and came back to the shock of my life....a plus sign!!! I immediately started to shake, ball and express my disbelief to myself over and over. What followed was what felt like the longest few hours of my life... waiting for Joel to get home to share the news. He knew I was testing so I didn’t want to give it away over the phone or when he first arrived through the door. I’m pretty sure my acting job should receive an academy award nomination!

In some ways, that moment seems so long ago and yet I can’t believe I’m only a few weeks away from meeting my babies. Pregnancy is such a bizarre and wonderful thing, growing two little lives inside me. I am grateful for the chance to experience it.