Overwhelmed

This is a perfect picture of how I'm feeling today. It was a busy one. After feeding the boys and cleaning up, we went to a program at my brother's church. I worked this afternoon so we left early, dropped the boys at the babysitters and rushed to school in time to eat some lunch before teaching. Then I did the grocery shopping, dropped them off at home (which involved throwing the cold stuff in the fridge/freezer and throwing the rest on the counter) and feeling completely overwhelmed at the messed left that I didn't have time to deal with before leaving this morning. Then I picked up the boys, brought them home and heated up dinner (thanks to Alice's mom for the yummy noodles and not having to cook), sat down with my family and vented to Joel about my day. There were other contributing factors tugging at my emotions but at that point I was on the verge of tears.

I don't tell this for sympathy. Many of you are probably reading this thinking..."yep, that sounds about like a typical day around here." Many, if not most of you are busier than I am. But being busy stresses me out. I don't thrive on running from place to place. I get overwhelmed. I am not the best version of myself. I've come to realize that I need to make better choices. I need to eliminate things from my life that are unnecessary or not useful. Maybe I need to work less and just focus on being a better mom... one that isn't rushed and disengaged because I have to get supper on the table. Maybe I need to delegate some of my responsibilities. Maybe I need to give up some of my expectations of how much I can do and what life can be like at this stage. I know I have some thinking to do. Life is busy. It's inevitable when you're a mom of young kids, but how busy I am is a matter of choice. Time to make some choices!

A Little Break

I haven't been much into blogging lately. If you know me well in real life you'll know that I've taken on a half time teaching position at my school until June. As someone who is a big believer in staying home with my kids, this may seem a little funny but I think it was a good decision for us for a short period of time. Next year I've reduced my contract to one day a week, basically to hold onto my seniority (teaching is a pretty tough field to break into these days) but primarily be home with my boys. It's kind of crazy to think there are only two more years before kindergarten begins...I have many thoughts about schooling brewing in my head so stay tuned for a post about that one! All that to say, I don't have a ton of free time on my hands and the time I do have is being filled with more important things. (For more on that, check out this great article for parents.) I've been enjoying being back at work. I work with an awesome group of people who are tons of fun. Three cheers for hour-long lunch breaks! I love working with students who are new to the country, teaching them English and watching them learn at a crazy fast pace. But working outside the home is busy. More busy than I want to be and as much as a big part of me craves that kind of work and loves the break...because let's be honest, my days teaching are WAY easier than my days at home...it's helped to reaffirm my decision that overall I need to be home. This time is so short!

I always feel on the verge of shutting down this blog. I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes I wonder why in the world I need to share it. If you've followed me from the beginning you'll know that occasionally I go through these periods of insecurity. But I've always said this blog is just as much for me as anyone else. A place to write down my thoughts and look back and see how I've evolved. And if a few of you want to come along for the ride, why not? So here I am. I don't have much to say today, at least not thought-provoking, except that I'm still around. If you're still around too, I would love to know! Leave me a comment, say hello! And stay tuned for more deep thoughts, or at least my random thoughts!