Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I'm Sorry

Those are hard words for me to say sometimes. We've been teaching the boys that after a time out they need to say sorry to us, or apologize to each other for fighting or hitting but today it was my turn. After a morning at my parents we were a little late getting home for a lunch. Getting the boys from the van, inside has been a struggle lately and usually results in me picking up a struggling toddler and shutting the door.  After I won the battle somehow I needed to make a quick lunch with two needy, whining, tired boys on my hands. No easy task. I lost my cool. I was frustrated and I let my anger out on them. So, while sitting on the bed reading stories before nap I knew I needed to apologize. I explained how I was feeling and with tears in my eyes, I told them I was sorry. Yes, I know that they are two, but I think they understand a lot and it was the right thing to do. I don't think they quite got it as they started apologizing to me. I tried to tell them it was mommy who was apologizing to them, but after some hugs and kisses it didn't quite matter anymore. Grace was given.

I have vivid memories of my mom apologizing to me growing up and it's a powerful picture in my mind. I'm their mom. I'm in charge. But today I was wrong and they needed to know. It was a humbling moment. I mess up a lot as a mom. Sometimes I have no sweet clue what I'm doing and I get it wrong. Sometimes I'm selfish and impatient. I'm thankful that they don't hold it against me. I want to be a family that is quick to apologize and quick to forgive. We're working on it!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Reawakening Creatvity


*I wrote this post back in January and realized it never made it out of my drafts folder*

Since I've become a mom I've felt the need to find a hobby. It's not like I have hours a day that I need to fill, but occasionally nap time rolls around and I just don't have the energy to do house stuff, or by some miracle everything is done. I also think it's just good for my soul. A lot of my friends have creative outlets that vary from writing to cooking. I wracked my brain for a long time trying to think of something that would get me excited.

I can't remember the initial revelation but I remember when it solidified over the holidays. I was sitting at the piano at my parents' house with Caleb on my lap. I am a musician. I have played the piano for years. At one point I would have even classified myself as pretty good. I started with one teacher, then switched for many years to a woman who was great at teaching technique. I would even have to practice how to bow in front of her grand piano before a festival (where I took 2 first place awards...a big deal to me at the time). She was strict and I didn't love her in the moment, but she taught me a lot and gave me great skills. Once I reached the point of not being forced to take lessons any more and my brother's got to quit, I was encouraged to continue and switched back to my original teacher. He was very laid back, wrote a lot of his own music, and we did songs I liked. I was in sheet music heaven. I also switched it up and took some guitar lessons with him, usually when I hadn't adequately practiced the piano.

I played a lot, mostly at church and camp. And when I had nothing else to do I'd sit and play for a long time. I haven't played seriously for many many years and haven't had a piano in my home since we moved to Africa. We don't have a decent space to fit it in our current home so our friends are taking good care of it for now. But I realized while playing at Christmas that this could be my hobby. I enjoy it, it's creative and it's some quality me time. So I went to our local music store and found a sleek but quality digital piano. I had personal money saved up from birthdays and Christmases and I never know what to spend it on so this was the perfect idea. A few days later it was home and set up.

It's kind of funny that I only remember how to play two songs; Sarah McLaughlin's "I Will Remember You" and Mariah Carey's "Save the Best for Last". Why those two? I have no idea! It's time to dig out my sheet music, maybe even a conservatory book and get my skills back. The boys are already loving smashing the keys and Micah sways back and forth when I play. Twinkle Twinkle is a popular request around here. I'm thrilled to have found a hobby, or rediscovered one that I've had all along.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Summer Days

It's 10:39pm and usually too late to be blogging. But my husband is away for the night and since I'm naturally a night owl, no reason to go to bed. We're one week into the summer (at least by the school calendar). This was the first time in years I wasn't sure how to feel about summer. Being a teacher I naturally get summers off which was always welcome. The last two I've been off and in full mommy mode so didn't really notice. I've been working half time for the past several months and for the first time, I felt slightly anxious about summer. How am I going to handle being with the boys all day every day? (even though I had been doing that for 20 months straight before that). Because I'm only working one day a week next year (minus a few supply jobs) this is not only the beginning of the summer but the beginning, or restart, of being with my boys most of the time. That's what I want. That's what I think is best for everyone, but still a bit daunting. The key for us is to stay busy. Lots of play dates, bike rides and mornings at the gym. I also just discovered this moms group the other day and have signed up for some programs. All of my at-home mom friends seem to be in other cities so looking forward to meeting a few in my community.


We have a few family weddings this month, including one in Montreal where Joel and I will be spending four nights away from the boys. The longest I've been away from them is one night so this will be a first. They'll be having a blast with their cousins. All prayers and wine donations welcome to my crazy sister-in-law and brother who offered to take them. Did I mention they have 4 kids under 5 of their own? A few days at a friends cottage will finish off July and then August is pretty open. Likely lots of BBQs, trips to the farm and perhaps some camping if I can muster up the courage. I love this time of year and plan to soak up these long days while they last. What are you up to this summer?

*It's now 10:58. I was interrupted by my son who wanted a cuddle in the chair and some reassurance that the vacuuming was all done. I assured him it was. Time for all of us to get some sleep :)*